What is a "Memorial Garden" to you?

Do you have a Memorial Garden? What do you have in it?

Years ago I started one without the formal intention of being a "memorial garden". I have been fortunate not to lose anyone in my family till I was in my mid thirties. At our old home I had made a spot in front of this tree that I could sit on the rock wall that separated the garden from the stone driveway. When my Grandfather passed I had taken a grapevine wreath filled with flowers from the cemetery and hung it on the tree. That was the beginning. Eventually I realized that for each person I had lost, I added something from their funeral or something that reminded me of them. It became my own little way of keeping a preserved space for them in my life.

When we moved to our new home 3 years ago, it was pretty much a blank slate. It was just 2+ acres of grass. We had moved during what I call the "Bad Years" and I was in bad shape. Even though I had dug up and potted every single plant, shrub and tree and took it with me, I  had no desire or will power to figure out where everything should go.

Two days after closing on the house we lost our 8 day old grandson, Dominic. Today, it's 3 years now since we had to say goodbye. Losing Dominic took something more than just a piece of my heart, he took a piece of my soul. I had planted a Japanese Lace Leaf Maple behind his head stone. I purposely bought one that had branches only on one side. A few months later I was told I had to remove it, so I brang it home and gave it a temporary spot in the garden till I could make the "Memorial Garden" that I wanted. I had an idea that I wanted my memorial garden to have all white flowers and white rocks and initially planned on it being on top of the septic mound with a stone bench. The stone bench will have a verse from "Fields of Athenry" engraved on it, something I hummed over and over to Dominic whenever I was with him. The white rocks would come from our property upstate, NY, my home away from home.

Well, I lost my job just a few months later which put a big screaming halt on a lot of plans around the house. I still haven't been able to get a job so I have tried to figure out what else to do till I can afford my dream plan. In late winter, Dominic's tree suffered a big break by accident and come spring nothing happened. My husband got me a new tree for mother's day knowing that was the only thing on my mind. Well now I really needed a plan so I could get this tree out of its pot.

Finally a plan formed and I decided to once again add on to the garden in the backyard. I wanted something different that would stand out from the rest, yet still belong. I decided to build a rock wall, only higher this time, and in a "U" in front of the septic so that it would go into the side of the hill. I would  plant Dominic's tree here and it would have its own space. Years ago I had found one of my grandmother's statues of "Mary" and brang it home from upstate. I had been meaning to make a grotto for it ever since. I decided now would be the time and I would put it in the front of the rock wall and garden. I used an old plastic sled for a mold to form the grotto which I made using hypertufa. I made a base in the rock wall using some pieces of slate and the hypertufa to make sure I had a nice flat surface for the statue.

Getting ready to add the grotto. Note the 2 rebars in back for support. They will be "hypertufa-ed" to the grotto.

The grotto, made of hypertufa. I wet down the grotto and base, then added hypertufa to the base before putting the grotto on top.

Smoothed out the hypertufa

I hammered in  a couple of rebars in the ground behind the grotto to help support it, then added hypertufa around them, while also blending it into the surrounding stones. The concrete blocks....me over engineering... I had to keep wetting down the grotto and hypertufa so it would stick since it was like 200 degrees out when I did this.

Covering the hypertufa with plastic for a few days so it can cure. Started to fill in behind the wall.

Filling in with dirt and peat moss. I put Dominic's tree in so it could finally get out of it's pot, giving the roots a chance to move while I continue finishing the rest of the work. Still have at least a foot higher to go with the stone wall, and a lot more dirt and peat. I haven't made up my mind what to put behind it though. I would like a back wall of some kind, it just hasn't hit me yet, but it will.

Well, when I started this it was a lot nicer out! Since then it got unbearably hot, I kept getting sick till I finally winded up in the hospital with pneumonia. All this put a big screaming halt on my project. But this past week, July 18 to 26 are the 8 short days that we had Dominic and I really wanted to get it done by today. Unfortunately the rocks I am using on this wall are pretty big and I can only handle a few before my back turns to jello. But luckily, the garage plans took so long to finally happen, that I now have a piles of dirt which I need to fill in this project....cause it's taking a whole lot more than I expected! My teenage son Hunter (aka "Manboy") is back from the a week at the beach, so he can help with the loads of dirt and picking up the stones. And wouldn't you know it, the heatwave has broken to! You know what Mick always says " No, you can't always get what you want, and if you try sometime, you may find, you get what you need". I swear, at a time when I am usually sullen and sad, God has been doing everything the past couple of days to make sure I don't stay that way! Thank You God!!!XXXOOO

So when I am done with  this post, I will do some studying for school, then I will head out and get done what I can today before going to class tonight. When I get home I will pour myself a cocktail, sit in my swing and enjoy Dominic's garden in the moonlight. I will keep you posted with the final results, whenever that happens!

Till then, think about your own memorial garden. What makes you happy when you think of those who are gone? Growing vegetables like your grandmother did? Some seashells collected with a favorite friend? A special flower that your mother always adored as her favorite? A stepping stone with child's hand print? A favorite old chair your grandfather sat on outside?

The rules of a Memorial Garden:  Anything that makes your heart smile!

~In God's Hands~
Dominic  
 July 18- 26, 2007